Clint Reimer

Oregon Society of Individual Psychology

These thoughts are intended to be of help to parents and teachers in working with children. Whether these suggested remarks will in fact be encouraging will depend on the attitudes of the adults using them. Is the feeling one of belief in the child, trust, confidence, acceptance, sometimes mixed with humour; or is the feeling one of moralizing, preaching, or impatience?

"You do a good job of.........."

Children should be encouraged when they do not expect it, when they are not asking for it. It is possible to point out some useful act or contribution in each child. Even a comment about something small and insignificant to us may have great importance to a child.

"You have improved in........"

Growth and improvement is something we should expect from all children. They may not be where we would like them to be but if there is progress, there is less chance of discouragement. Children will usually continue if they see some improvement.

"We like you but we don*t like what you do."

Often a child feels he is not liked after he has made a mistake or misbehaved. A child should never think that he is not liked. It is important to distinguish between the child and his behaviour, between the act and the actor.

"You can help me (us, the others, etc.) by................"

To feel useful and helpful is important to everyone. Children want to be helpful; we have only to give them the opportunity.

"Let*s try it together."

Children who think that they have to do things perfectly are often afraid to attempt something for fear of making a mistake or failing.

"So you do make a mistake; now, what can you learn from your mistake?" There is nothing that can be done about what has happened, but a person can always do something about the future. Mistakes can teach the child a great deal and he will learn if he does not feel embarrassed for having made a mistake.